Like the earth itself, we are laid bare, exposed by pandemic job losses, dead neighbors, festering racial prejudice, and a crumbling public discourse. Nowhere to hide.

And yet, there is a clarity of vision that can come in the barren seasons.

Helpful tips for what to say to someone going through hard times.

And a few statements to avoid...
1) “At least...” (Cheer-Up Cheryl)
2) Cliches
3) “You should...” (Fix-It Frank)
4) Interjecting your own story (Commiserating Candace)

"What is the ROI on empathy? I mean, it seems nice, but how does it affect my bottom line?" I hear this question in scoping meetings; should the company invest in empathy trainings? Does it really matter? The answer is yes! Check out the hard data points vis-a-vis empathy and healthcare in this engaging Freakonomics podcast.

People are bringing the trauma, the outrage, and the exhaustion of yesterday's breach of the Capitol into your morning meeting. It is not just business as usual. Here are some openers that meet the moment:
- "Yesterday was hard for me; I spent almost an hour doom-scrolling and I still feel angry. How are you holding up?"

We crave hope in the midst of so much uncertainty and mental health crises. This NY Times article describes hope as a "psychological stabilizer" and an "action-filled process".

He died of COVID yesterday afternoon. I haven’t seen him in years, but Bruce loomed large in the lives of people I love. How am I feeling today? Well…last night, I pulled out my hidden stash of Christmas chocolate and ate ALL of the remainder while watching loud Beyonce videos on my phone.

Stop using these phrases; they kill connection...

“Everything happens for a reason”

“They are better off now”

“It is always darkest before the dawn”

“Time heals all wounds”

“There are a lot of fish in the sea”

“Things could be worse”

Remember, this holiday season, you don’t need to make it better. Instead, try something like this…

“Ugh. That sounds like it was tough.”

“I don’t know what to say, but I want to let you know that I care and I’m sorry”

“Wow, tell me more about _____”

Claim your rest. December 21, the shortest day of the year, reminds us that the constant churn of productivity cannot be sustained. The earth invites you to rest with her today. Stop wearing your exhaustion like a badge of honor.

Leaders, let's celebrate the adequate. During the darkest seasons of my life, I felt like I was "not enough" in just about everything. I was just so weighed down with grief and stress: not the parent, not the partner, not the professional that I wanted to be. It meant so much when someone cheered on my small wins.

Mental health in men is declining at a rate that is on par with or exceeds that of women. The Mental Health Index recent report showed a risk of male depression up to 69%. Focus declined by 76%.

"6 Tips on How to Mourn Efficiently and Get Back to Work"
Just kidding. Mourning is not about efficiency. It is about honoring the love and the hope that you had for the person/dream/possibility that is not longer available.

I spent this afternoon with participants from 3 different countries, training North American Canadian missions on empathy as the foundation for meaningful DEI work. The conversation was rich and engaging; this work has never been more important.

The true work of gratitude begins the day after…

Holidays are unwieldy, grinding days for the grieving. And this year is riddled with pain: tens-of-thousands dead, lost jobs and crumpled dreams, ruined relationships, murdered Black bodies. So much loss. We were not made to bear this alone. Take a moment to consider who you know that has encountered loss. Write down their names. Then, reach out with a text or a call. Drop off a plate of food.

On the dangers of ignoring your indicator lights... Last week, I was in the middle lane of the highway, cruising at 75 mph, when my wheel began to shudder. I quickly changed lanes and was able to (barely) make it to a Speedway gas station.

Fix-It Frank kills connection at home, at work...everywhere.

Let me give you an example from earlier this week.

November 2020 is hard…and there are harder days to come with winter and COVID and deep societal divides. But let us also embrace hope as we talk, as we plan, and as we dream.

What are you doing, as a company, to purposefully reflect and recalibrate as you close out 2020? It is important to acknowledge both the losses of 2020 as well as the hope and vision that will carry your organization into 2021.

Leaders, today is a good day to check in with your people. Because some of them are still riding a wave of joy and relief, of exultation at the first woman (a Black and South Asian woman!) elected on an executive ticket. After four years of tension in the body and spirit, they are (probably) feeling relief and hope.

Day of the Dead and All Saints Day feel particularly resonant this year. They are a day to hold sadness, remembering all who died: John Lewis and Sean Connery and my neighbor’s dad. And it isn’t just people who died this year. Dreams have died. Relationships have died. One of my favorite local, farm-to-table eateries died.