You have to plan for empathy or else you are never going to live up to your good intentions. My husband and I just got an on-the-fridge weekly planner. Because there are a dozen things to manage between sports and meal prep and grocery trips. And think about it: you run your life and your calendar invites through your phone, because you know how easy it is to forget. It is time that we put that same degree of intention towards caring for our people
Read MoreCall out competence at work. Commend someone for an insightful comment they made in a meeting or for a well-written email. Remind them that their presence matters and that their contributions are important.
Read MoreDo you know someone going through a hard time? Stop saying, “Just let me know if you need anything.” It sounds good in the moment, but it puts a all the pressure onto the person who is going through a disruptive life event.
Read MoreStop saying "Take all the time you need..." to someone that is going through a disruptive life event. Because you don't mean it. And it introduces uncertainty about time horizons (could I take a year off if I needed to? Is a month too long?). And it takes the onus off of you to follow-up.
Read MoreBack to School, 2020 is a time of stress, shame, and second-guessing for parents.
No decision is perfect; there are logistical hurdles and tons of room for self-doubt.
If you are a parent with a school-age child, make space to acknowledge the feelings: the sadness, the loss of agency, the frustration.
And, if you are a manager or co-worker, ask the parents you know how they are doing...and then really listen.
HINT: DON'T make them rehash/defend all of their reasoning. Just listen and reply something like, "That sounds like a lot to figure out!" And (maybe) ask something like, "How is it going to you?"
Your care means a lot.
My children have produced a lot of art during quarantine.
Sometimes it is hard to put words to a feeling. Art provides an invaluable window into the emotional world. So here are a few of their creations: a window into the wide range of emotions you (might) be feeling right now.
Don’t stay silent! Your friends, your family, your co-workers: all around you, people are going through really hard times. When they share a story of loss or disruption, it can be hard to know what to do or how to respond.
Read MoreStop hijacking the story! When you immediately rush in with your own story, you become like Commiserating Candace, taking the attention off of the person sharing. There is a time for sharing your own story, but take time to truly listen (and empathize!) first.
Positivity matters, but you don’t want to suddenly shift into Cheer-Up Cheryl mode when someone tells you something hard. A focus on getting someone to look on the bright side makes you appear tone-deaf to pain…and forces the person sharing to either shut up or put on a cheerful front to make YOU feel better.
Read MoreInteracting with a coworker that is sad or grieving can be hard. What should you do? What can you say to “make it better”? Here is the good news: you don’t have to make it better. Which is a big relief. Because you can’t fix the lagging economy or the stay at home order or the looming anxiety…
Asking better questions creates connection (especially during social distancing!). Not all check-ins are created equal. Asking someone “How are you?” can elicit a cursory response like, “I’m OK; hanging in there…”. You will improve your level of connection by asking better questions.
Read MoreHave you been doing much apologizing lately? In the Mertes household, we have! Owning our stuff, extending and receiving grace, and being vulnerable are all essential skills for making it through these stressful times. Because none of us are on our “A” game, which means there is a LOT of opportunity to give (and take!) offense with family members or colleagues.
Read MoreFeeling frustrated today? A little bit cooped up and stir crazy? Prone to blow-ups with your partner or children? Me too!!! These are trying times…and they beg the question, what can you do with that frustration? Finding constructive outlets for this angst is really important.
Read MoreYou will not be able to lead with clarity, humanity, or purpose if you do not make space to connect with your OWN grief, anxiety, and sadness as a result of COVID-19. And this can be really hard for high achievers. We are used to reframing setbacks as strategic pivots or adopting a “grin-and-bear-it” mentality. This avoidance has an impact on your team. If you are always coaching yourself out of uncomfortable feelings, you will not have space for anyone else to express any weakness.
Read MoreMental health conditions can and will become more pronounced during times of stress. Do you have employees or friends that were already struggling with depression? If so, sudden adjustment with childcare, disruption of routine, and meta-level uncertainty about the future could only compound those struggles. In the most recent episode of the Handle with Care podcast, Paul Ashley, CEBS of FirstPerson shared about his journey with depression.
Read MoreWhy does Amazon send you a tracking number?
Because they know the importance of the final “F” of Crisis Communication: FREQUENCY. We want confirmation along each step of the way, especially if plans and delivery times have to change (as illustrated by Jemima’s missing llama). This is because our brains crave closure; if we aren’t given reasons for why things are happening, we provide them ourselves.
There is so much misinformation swirling. This is true inside of your organization as well. People are scared and the rumor mill is churning. Effective communication in a time of crisis has to be FACTUAL. Whether you are an executive, a manager, or a regular-old-employee, we can all do our part to not spread fear.
Read MoreToday, I talk about the second “F” of effective communication: FAST. Your communication to internal and external stakeholders should be proactive and FAST. Because things are changing rapidly. Maybe your employee just had a partner that got laid off. Now, he/she is fretting about the coming mortgage payment, distracted and unable to focus. And more disruption is coming.
Read MoreFor the next few episodes, I will be sharing the 4 “Fs” of Communication in a time of Crisis (borrowed from Andy Gillam at CommCore).
FLEXIBILITY is the first value. Things will change; you WILL need to alter your plans. And that is why your commitment to communicating on a human level, truly being attuned to the needs of your people, especially matters.
Read MoreHow did Day 1 of remote work/COVID-19 feel?
Were you interrupted by hungry children? Frustrated by technology challenges?
For managers and HR leaders, it is so important to check in with your people. Do they have small children in the house? An elderly parent they are worried about? And when they answer, take time to really listen.
Read MoreSpeaker. Consultant. Storyteller.
I help people survive, stabilize, and thrive in the aftermath of adversity.
