Did you say "thank you"? Gratitude is a game-changer.
/Last week, I was feeling edgy and irritated with the world. And not just momentarily ticked off; it was that fetid, ruminating frustration. The angst was available for the world at large, but I was particularly feeling it towards my children.
They are all home for summer break, which lends an air of chaos to the house. At any moment, a project or call might be interrupted by a scream from the basement, "Why did you hit me with a lacrosse ball?" or a protest from the kitchen, "Who drank all the Gatorade; I was saving those!"
I was not feeling resilient or abundant. My mental space tipped more towards long-term resignation. "They are the worst; this will never change. I can't believe that we all have to keep getting together for the rest of our lives..."
Permanence & Pervasiveness
Both permanence ("this will never change") and pervasiveness ("everyone/everything is awful), were cropping up, again and again, at the smallest triggers.
And whenever I feel those totalizing messages, it is a helpful signal, for me, to lean into gratitude.
Of all things, I was doing research for a new keynote, How to Handle Hard Better and I came across a video clip from Tony Robbins, reminding me of the power of gratitude.
"We create suffering for ourselves. Instead of looking at your loved one, your child, and focusing on all of the things that are wrong with them, what if you looked at the things you are grateful for?"
Gratitude
His burst of wisdom was just the nudge I needed.
I'll give you an example, The next day, I was dropping off a child at camp. They were a bit nervous and just wanted to be left alone. "Leave, just go!" they hissed.
Other parents were giving (and receiving) heartfelt goodbyes from their campers, with declarations of love and "I'll miss you!", and I could feel negative thoughts building up.
I'd driven them here, leaving at 4 in the morning, printing up packing lists and procuring bug spray and they wouldn't even say goodbye? They are always like this...
As the churn of negativity began, I remembered that gratitude was also an invitation. "What else is true right now", I asked myself.
Through the lens of gratitude, I'm grateful for
How very brave my child was, willing to try overnight camp in a new state with a bunch of strangers
How resourceful and calm they are
The hugs and cuddles that I do get, even if it wasn't in that moment on the bus
And, for deeper reflection - maybe this is more about me...why do I need a certain type of goodbye?
What are your practices?
Each morning, Luke and I begin with coffee, prayer, and intention. This is an important time to reflect, with gratitude, on the day.
But I find that I quickly lose hold on my gratitude. If there is a difficult client (or child!), a technological glitch that keeps me from getting work done or a mind-numbing interaction with customer service, I can descend with astounding speed into bitter musings marked by both permanence and pervasiveness.
But, year in and year out, I am learning to take a step back and invite gratitude to enter into those moments too.
Some people keep a gratitude journal and find that the act of writing down their thanks if powerful, but even saying it out loud can have a similar effect.
As we are on this holiday week, which if (hopefully) marked by good food and good company, I hope that you embrace gratitude; it is a game-changer.
If you want to learn more about the science of gratitude - how it affects your brain and your relationships - check out this article the Neuroscience of Gratitude and How it Affects the Brain.