Curious, Not Furious

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Last Wednesday, I was on the way home from dropping my children off at school.

I turned left onto a two lane road and met a school bus coming from the opposite direction.  The bus slowed, lights flashing.  I obediently stopped and waited....and waited some more.

After more than 5 minutes went by, the situation became almost absurd.  How long would we all sit here as cars backed up in both directions?

I could feel my irritation mounting, after all, I had a husband-with-a-broken-leg and lots of emails to get back to.

That was when I saw a car tear down the driveway.  A little girl with a purple backpack hurried out of the side door, crossing the road, pigtails trailing behind her.  

Mom was in the front seat, still in pjs with a baby in the car seat behind, waving in embarrassed gratitude to the bus driver.

And, in her harried mess of an arrival, I saw myself.  I remembered those mornings where everything seems to be going wrong, the baby is a mess and you are running late and all you hope for, in the midst of a crazy world, is just a little bit of grace and a touch of understanding.  

In my mind, I blessed her and hoped for a few moments of peace in her morning.  My irritation lifted as I drove on my way.  

Cultivate Curiosity
Seventeen years ago, Luke, Ada and I crossed the Atlantic to spend a year living and working in Nairobi, Kenya.

While there are great ways to learn/grow through short-term trips abroad,

There was something really formative about spending a year on someone else's cultural terms -

And you can choose to spend a lot of time and energy in judgment/annoyance - "Why don't they do it this way...it would make so much more sense if they only..."

Or, you can engage your curiosity and wonder, embracing what is in a different-and-lovely culture. Allowing the reality to reshape you.

Here are a few things that I experienced/that challenged-and-changed me in no particular order:

1). Americans equate work with identity. We introduce ourselves as, "I'm Liesel, I'm a Workplace Empathy Consultant.."

Whereas Kenyans start, often, with relationships: "I'm Josphat, I'm the husband of one wife and the father of two children"

2). Americans are really anal about keeping time - we rigorously make sure we don't fall behind.

This was not a shared cultural value. The person in front of you or the need that came up was more important than what was coming in an uncertain future.

3). Nyama Choma is delicious. We don't have enough goat BBQs here in the US.

4). I went to Kenya with Ada, who was just 10 months old, and got pregnant with our 2nd, Magnus, during our time there. Relational identities can transcend cultural barriers.

There are a dozen different ways that my reality diverged from the HIV+ women I was working with, but there was something sacred and real in our connection as mothers - as we each tended fussy toddlers (trying to get them to eat!) or changed diapers.

That Kenyan year contributes to my work today - empathy and curiosity grew in that red soil.

Questions that unlock curiosity
What are ways that you can pause for perspective and curiosity in your work & life today?  It could be asking questions like - 

  • What else could be going on here?

  • Tell me more...

  • What I heard you say is __________.  Is that right?

  • What information might I be missing?

A TIME TO STAND UP

Sometimes people think that curiosity is passive.  So, in a newsletter about curiosity, it is also important to note that there are some moments to stand up, to protest, and to vigorously defend a cause or a person.  

The video above comes from a scene on the floor of the New Zealand Parliament as indigenous lawmakers protested a bill that would have curtailed rights granted from previous treaties. 

How does this video make you feel?  What emotions or stories does it bring up for you?