What to say...
/Well, my friends, we've come to the end of an American election week.
And, as I think about this week's newsletter, I keep wondering what I will write.
Because I know that you are not a monolith, represented by one party or animating cause, and each of you needs something different right now.
So, here is a hodgepodge of helpful thoughts, segmented by category:
for those that lead
for those that are celebrating
for those that are scared/angry
for all of us as we wrap up a tumultuous week.
For those that lead -
Some of your people are really struggling. There are big emotions pulsating.
And, I get it, there is still a job to do. It is open enrollment or a retail rush, each industry has its own demands. And you might be thinking, "can't they just leave that stuff at the door and do their job?!?!?"
Empathy is not in opposition to getting the job done. In fact, a little bit of care builds trust, let's people know they are not alone, and gets their physiology back online so they can get back to work.
Try saying something like this, "I know, for some of you, this was a hard week with a lot of big emotions. I'm here to talk or to listen and to help as we get back to the work of serving our clients."
And, if/when someone shares something with you that you don't agree with/haven't considered, this is not the moment for debate. Instead, say, "thank you for sharing that with me".
For those that are delighted/relieved
Get curious about why other people are not feeling the same way that you are. Elections in the US frequently devolve into brutal competitions. We get so focused on winning that we drown out any thought of the other side.
Your victory is secure for 2024 - the contest is over. And it could be tempting to move on to the next thing. Take a moment to reflect - there were a lot of people that didn't vote the way you did. What were their concerns, their hopes, their fears?
Take some time to read/listen/watch a video from a news source that you never frequent. Follow some people that have really different perspectives than you on LinkedIn, Facebook, or Instagram.
And, when you hear their perspective, don't rush to a rebuttal. Sit and wonder, "where are they coming from?" or "I wonder what it is like to come from that background/position etc"
For those that are angry/overwhelmed/scared
This is a hard place to be. The anxiety and overwhelm can feel like it is only growing.
Gratitude is a powerful practice. What are good things/people in your life right now? You will feel something shift in your mind and in your body when you dwell in gratitude.
And this isn't some slight-of-hand or magical thinking - it doesn't mean that you are forsaking the causes that are important. Vote, organize, and mobilize - but gratitude and self-care (more on that in a second) will allow you to act from a place of abundance.
Take care of yourself - drink your water, get outside, incorporate things that are self-nurturing.
In an unexpected grace, Naf Naf Grill sent me an extra box of baklava in my recent order. I've loved an triangle of coffee+honeyed phyllo dough with a side of fat blueberries.
Self-nurture looks like long walks. I've gone back to some Wendell Berry (hello Jayber Crow) for my reading and tonight, for family movie night, we are watching either a romantic comedy or Return of the King. There is something about laughter and an epic quest that seem about right.
And, in case you skipped the above section, this is for you too - get curious about why other people are not feeling the same way that you are. Elections in the US frequently devolve into brutal competitions. We get so focused on winning that we drown out any thought of the other side.
Take a moment to reflect - there were a lot of people that didn't vote the way you did. What were their concerns, their hopes, their fears?
Take some time to read/listen/watch a video from a news source that you never frequent. Follow some people that have really different perspectives than you on LinkedIn, Facebook, or Instagram.
And, when you hear their perspective, don't rush to a rebuttal. Sit and wonder, "where are they coming from?" or "I wonder what it is like to come from that background/position etc"
For all of us
I read a recent post from a high-school friend - she let her network know that, if they voted differently than her, they were no longer "friends". There was no middle ground.
This might be just the right move for her mental health - I don't know the people in her network or the dimensions of her experience...and there are moments where, for your own preservation, stepping back from challenging relationships might be important.
However, I want to nudge all of us back towards relationship and curiosity.
The reality is, in the working world, you are (probably) going to have to continue to be in contact with people who vote differently than you do.
And, I get it, you might be so emotionally flooded right now that curiosity and relationship seem out of reach. However, I encourage you not to burn bridges. The way that people change their minds is through relationships with real people who think differently than they do.
Want to read more? Check out this HarvardBusiness Review article on How to (Actually) Change Someone's Mind by Laura Huang
Take care of yourself this week. Take care of others this week - it matters!