What is a good, next step for you right now?
/My problem is that I'm too empathetic - it's exhausting sometimes!
I know that if I ask them how they are doing, it's going to be a whole thing
You don't understand - they enjoy being stuck in drama (or sadness)
These are some of the reservations that I hear from clients.
And their apprehension comes from real life experiences. Perhaps you've been there too, as the conversation seems to get stuck in an emotional morass.
Especially at work, this can be difficult for managers and coworkers to navigate. Which leads them to avoid conversations about disruptive life events entirely.
Try utilizing this helpful question -"What is a good next step for you right now?"
This question can move someone into their generative mind: yes, these things have happened to me and they are crappy...but what is within my power?
It also keeps you (the listener) from slipping into the Fix-It Frank empathy avatar - telling the person going through a hard time what they need to do, which can lead to conversational shut-down.
What if I'm the person going through the hard time?
I realize that, with a community this large, some of you readers are the ones going through profound disruption.
Maybe you'e just passed a painful anniversary or are reeling from a job loss. Maybe the relationship is crumbling or the pet is ailing.
This is a good internal question too.
When Mercy Joan died, the scope of the "next thing" was small and basic. In the weeks after her funeral, brushing my teeth was a good next step.
Going for a walk and feeling the sun was a good next step.
Going to bed (because those days are long!) was a good next step.
Not yelling at my husband or my children (because emotions were so unruly) was a good, next step...or apologizing when I did (also a good, next step).
Don't despise the good, next step.