Comparative grief is a dead-end street: The power of lament
/How is it going with all of those unruly emotions that you’re trying to control and suppress?
Perhaps you have been pushing past the sadness, the anger, the irritation. After all, there are children to be fed and deadlines to meet and other people have it so much worse than you.
Let me invite you to stop comparing and compartmentalizing your churning emotional world. Comparative grief is a dead-end street.
The worst grief is always the YOUR grief.
What you resist, persists. Suppressed emotions come out in your health and your treatment of others. We fear embracing the darkness of our emotions because
We are a grief-adverse culture of quick fixes
We fear that the sadness/anger/irritation will never end
We were punished or shamed, at some point, for showing our emotions
Like little Norman (my dad) whose mother died when he was just six years old. At her funeral, he was crying (because that is what little boys do when they are devastated) and a woman came up to him, bent over, and instructed, “she wouldn’t want to see you crying.” Whew.
Tomorrow, people all around the world pause for a day of sacred mourning. Whatever your creed, Good Friday offers a sacred opening to just sit in the dark and be sad. Consider it an invitation in your calendar to embrace your loss and disruptive emotions.
This is not the end…but grief and disruption are an essential part of each of our stories that we can’t skim over by quickly flipping the page or wishing it away.
Books on Grief and Growth
Healing Grief at Work
by Dr. Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D.
This slender book contains 100 tips for companioning the bereaved and creating a supportive workplace. My copy is covered with underlining & writing in the pages. He is cogent, actionable, and kind.
Podcast Recommendation
PTSD can be overwhelming and complicated: panic attacks, uncertainty, and pain crop up suddenly.
How can you come alongside someone who is living with PTSD?
On this fan-favorite episode of the Handle w/ Care podcast, Elsie Iudicello shares about her PTSD following a medical accident that left her reeling, coping with pain, triggers and flashbacks.
Elsie is an author, speaker, and the parent of four young boys. I think you'll enjoy this one!