Birthday wisdom - grief, loss & beauty

Tomorrow, I turn 40.

Looking at little girl Liesel, I see her wide-eyed wonder. In this photo, I am probably mid-sentence (so many words...always!).

Surrounded by family, in the middle of something fun, in my awesome, late 80's jumper.

My Uncle Don is in the background; he is also smiling, despite his Parkinson's disease. He died a few years ago.

What would I tell her?

I'd whisper about how big and wonderful the world is, how she will see it. From the markets of Nairobi to the cobblestones of Coventry, the world will offer friends and kindness and great food.

There will be explosive laughter, raucous practical jokes and sideways chuckles.

People will let you down.  But that doesn't mean that people aren't worth the bother.  Some of the best things in life come from investing, over and over again, in people.  

Who you are today isn't who you have to be tomorrow.  Growth is hard and beautiful and worth it.  Greet the new versions of yourself with a kiss and be willing to part ways with what no longer serves you.  

I'd tell her: do not fear. The world can be dark and sad and just too much. She will come to the end of herself and find something more: the strength and support of community and the enduring beauty of faith in what-you-cannot see.

I'd remind her to be gentle with the weakness she sees in others, to be gentle with the weakness she sees in herself.

What would you say to a younger version of yourself?

Books on Grief and Growth

I love There's No Good Card For This:  What to Say and Do When Life is Scary, Awful, and Unfair to People You Love
by Kelsey Crowe and Emily McDowell.

Full of actionable and relatable stories + illustrations, this book is a great guide for those who struggle and wonder what to do or say in the midst of hard times.   

Podcast Recommendation

I mention my uncle, Don Berns, in this newsletter. Parkinson’s disease is relentless and degenerative.  There is no cure.

In this fan-favorite Handle w/ Care podcast, my cousin, Jason Berns, remembers his dad, Don.  Don was diagnosed with Parkinson’s at the age of 33; Jason was just 8 years old. Jason reflects on the challenges of living in the shadow of Parkinson’s, the importance of honesty and community, and the power of hope.