Pioneer Day, Funerals, & Moments That Matter

I came back from Istanbul in a hurry, briskly navigating Amsterdam and arriving after midnight in Indianapolis.  All so that I could awaken, a few hours later, put on an oversized dress + apron, and participate with Jemima in Pioneer Day. 
 
She had asked in October about the May event, “Mama, can you please, please be there?”
 
So, when a consulting trip to Istanbul had to shift in my schedule, I knew the timing would be tight. 
 
And a part of me didn’t want to do it.  If not for Pioneer Day, my husband and I could have enjoyed another day or two of sumptuous Turkish breakfasts…maybe even a side jaunt to Cappadocia. 
 
“It’s OK Mama, you don’t really have to be there if you can’t” she told me, holding back tears.
 
But I knew that Pioneer Day meant a lot to Jem, so I made it happen.  And after a day of overseeing square dancing and passing out biscuits, I fell into bed, exhausted.

People won’t remember (necessarily) remember what you say, but they will remember you made them feel.
 
This week was JA Biztown, a dynamic program that teaches fifth graders all about business:  how to interview for a job, deposit paychecks, and manage workflows.
 
Jemima wanted to be the CEO of TrueU, a position you must interview for.  Another mom was helping with the interview process and asked Jem a few questions – “why are you interested in this position?  How does your involvement with lacrosse prepare you for leadership” etc.
 
The final question was, “who is your hero and why?”
 
Jemima answered, “It’s my mom.  She does a great job running her business and really helping people but she also makes time to be with me and with our family.  Like last year, she came all the way back from Istanbul just to be at Pioneer Day with me.”
 
How do you make people feel?
 
Showing up for people doesn’t always feel easy.  While creating cultures of care at work, in friendships, at home, there are moments where you’d rather not.  Not write that text or come back early.  Not lean in and listen or show up.
 
Tomorrow evening, I am going to go to the viewing for a friend’s father who died, quickly, from cancer.  It is not convenient. 

The evening has an extended family dinner and championship lacrosse games.  The location is unfortunate, taking me in the wrong direction from everywhere else I need to be.  And I really could benefit from an extra hour to work on writing my book.
 
But I’ve found, again and again, that showing up with a text or a call, with my silent companionship or a kind word, matters. 
 
And yes, there are times to set boundaries and to protect your places of peace (more on that in an upcoming newsletter) but in an age that is designed around our comfort and preference, let me remind you of the goodness of choosing to show up. 
 
I’ll end with a final word to the parents reading this email, laboring in a season marked by lots of needs and competing priorities.  In the striving to be-and-balance it all, keep on keeping on. They are watching.