Things Fall Apart: Help for the Holidays

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I first posted this article in November of 2023. If you would like to receive regular content from Handle w/ Care, you can sign up for the newsletter at the link at the bottom of the page.

Holidays can be hard: instead of being marked by Hallmark charm/glowing gratitude, they can be an aching reminder of pain.

I can remember the first Mother's Day after my daughter, Mercy Joan, died.  Everything inside of me felt out of step with the holiday.  Trees were budding, new life was growing, and all of my fellow moms were cuddling with their living, solid children. 

Not me. I was a snotty, angry, sad puddle of a person that didn't want a nice brunch or a sugary cliche, I wanted to hibernate under the comforter and disappear. 

Holidays can leave us confused or sad, mourning the year that would have or should have been.  And, around Thanksgiving, the pain/sadness/anger is only made worse by all of the posts on togetherness and gratitude etc. 

Which is why I keep a running note in my calendar, nestled a few days before major holidays,

I abbreviate it "RO" for "reach out" and throughout the year, I write down the names of people going through disruptive life events,

Today and tomorrow, I am going to "RO" to some of my friends and colleagues,

There are...

  • Men and women who endured divorce this year

  • A single mom who is grinding through raising teenagers

  • A friend who is bravely battling for his mental health

  • A colleague who buried their father

  • Someone whose life is deeply affected by the last six weeks of carnage in Israel/Gaza


There is probably someone that comes to mind as you read that list, a client, friend or colleague who is living through their own disruptive life event.

You "RO" doesn't have to be fancy or expensive. Feel free to cut and paste parts of these text that feel congruent:

  • "I'm thinking of you as Thanksgiving comes around. I know this is a hard year for you and not the holiday you imagined."

  •  "I'm holding a small part of the sadness with you today; what a (insert adjective here) year it's been!"

  • "I'm grateful you are my friend/colleague/client. This year has been full of challenges and I'm holding you in my thoughts/prayers/intentions today."

Healing heart


Grief is the most isolating emotion. Take a moment, make your own "RO" list, and remember, it doesn't have to be perfect.

Presence over perfection. Your care matters.