Stop Hijacking the Story

We have to stop hijacking the narrative when someone is hurting…

“I know exactly how you feel…”

OR

“My uncle had pancreatic cancer (or a divorce, or job loss, or a pet die…) too, and….”

These verbal pivots take the attention off of them and put it onto YOU.

I call this a “Commiserating Candace” conversational tactic.

Instead, realize that fully entering into a moment of pain is an important opportunity for connection.

Offer emotional resonance: “That sounds rough/sad/hard/overwhelming!”

Lean in: “Tell me more…”

You can share your experience at the end, with something like, “If you’d ever like to talk more, I’ve experienced something similar.” This leaves the door open for another interaction, if it feels right to the person.

Radical attention and empathy are some of the greatest gifts you can give to someone in pain.

What has been your experience with a Commiserating Candace? Let me know in the comments…