Lament: Embracing Pain on the Path to Healing. An Interview with Mark Vroegop

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Pain can rob you of language.

And it’s complicated because you have your own hard experiences…which compromises your ability to reach out. 

 This is where the language of lament is so helpful. 

 Mark Vroegop is a leader, pastor, and author.  His book, Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy, is all about lament.  How we don’t have to run from or conceal our pain.  How bravely, brokenly moving into pain is actually the path to healing.   

 Mark tells the story of his personal loss in the death of Sylvia and opens up how the language of lament will help you encounter your own pain as well as the pain in others. 

You can find the Handle with Care: Empathy at Work podcast on Google Play, Spotify, and Apple Podcasts. And you can listen to the episode here…

Here are three key takeaways from my conversation with Mark…

  1. I agree with Mark, we all need a competency with grief; it is a key part of leadership and just being human.  Whether it is in our own life or in the lives of those we care about, hard things will come.  A language of lament that willingly looks at and whole-heartedly enters into pain is so essential for healing. If your interest has been piqued by Mark and his work, there is a link to his book in the show notes. 

  2. Some griefs cannot be fixed, they can only be carried.  Sometimes silence and presence are the most powerful ways that you can come alongside another person.  Release yourself from the pressure to suddenly have the right thing to say.  Give a hug, bring some cookies.

  3. Through your empathy, your compassion, and your care, your can have ripple effects that extend way beyond a single moment.  When you care for someone well, you are co-creating a wider culture of care.  The community that blessed Mark and his family with a trip led Mark to encourage Luke and I to take our children on a trip after the death of our daughter.  Their kindness poured into us in ways that are powerful.  Take heart, you might never know the full effects of your kindness in the life of another person.