When a Holiday Feels Hard: Mother's Day

Mother’s Day is on Sunday and it can be complicated. 
 
Some of you know, in the center of your gut, what I am talking about.  Others of you are, perhaps, pausing over the thought for the first time.
 
Here are three short Mother’s Day vignettes, stories from friend and colleagues, that point towards the sharp corners of the day.  And then, some practical tips.
 
Names have been changed

The Single Mom (or might-as-well-be single)
I’ve always loved creek stomping.  The feeling of mystery and muck between my toes brings me back to childhood.  A few years ago, Mothers Day was Thai food, ice cream, and creek stomping.  When we arrived, down at the creek, there, sitting on a sandbank with her two small boys, was Crystal. 

Crystal’s marriage was on the brink of collapse with an absent, inattentive husband whose blazing temper often flared in scary, searing outbursts and then smoldered into neglect.

“Mother’s Day is just hard,” she confided.  “It’s good to be with the boys but it’s just another day where I have to do it all myself.  After all, it’s the husband who really makes all the space for moms to rest.”

The Yearning Woman
Michelle is so tired of waiting.  She thought it would be easier than this.  The infertility treatments stain her months with nausea and so many needles.  The constant monitoring, appointments, and charting is exhausting. 

Another coworker just had a baby shower.  And she’s happy for her, really, she is...but it reminds her of the haze of sadness, of powerlessness, that seems like a constant companion. 

She’s thinking about skipping out on church this Sunday.  There is a moment where all the moms stand and the congregation claps and she just doesn’t know if she can face that again this year.

The Griever
He always sent her flowers.  It was the least he could do, living, like he did, so far out of town.  They couldn’t spend every Mother’s Day together (after all, flights for a family of six are expensive), so he made up for it with long FaceTime calls and a dozen daisies, her favorite. 

But, this year, there won’t be any daisies.  They buried mom in October and the whole year is marked by firsts.  This Mothers Day will be busy; they’re going to brunch to celebrate his wife and there will, undoubtedly, be kisses and cards and good food.  But there is an ache that he doesn’t quite have words for:  he misses his mom.

These are just a few of the stories spinning in my orbit. 

Undoubtedly, you also have people at work, in your neighborhood, in your family, who will scrape against Mother’s Day
 
Who can you reach out to this week?  It doesn’t have to be fancy or perfect. 
 
Consider this: 

• “I’m thinking of you with Mother’s Day coming; I imagine this could be a hard day for you.”

• “I wish I had some magic words to take away your pain and make it all better, but know that I am here and I care about you.”

• “Thinking of you today; I know your heart is hurting.  I miss her too.”

And, if that person who is struggling is you, consider this a virtual hug.  These days are hard; go gently with yourself.  

Podcast Recommendation

David Mills was new to our high school, blazing into the first day of our junior year in leather pants with a loud laugh.

It's been a few years and I don't know if he still has the pants, but David still the same truth-telling, non-conformist that he was at 16.

This Handle w/ Care fan favorite is coming at you again, just in time for a listen during Mental Health Awareness Month.

The conversation was raw, vulnerable, and so good. We talk about alcoholism & work, depression, and suicidal thoughts.

Do you love someone/work with someone who is dealing with any of these struggles? Than this episode if for you.

Coping with something similar? This episode is for you.

Facing the trauma matters; there is more on the other side

Book Recommendation

Sheryl Sandberg was on vacation with her family when her husband died suddenly, collapsing on the treadmill in the middle of a morning run. 

Option B tells a meaningful story of picking up the pieces and integrating your grief.  Sandberg co-authors the book with the eminent Wharton professor and thought-leader, Adam Grant. 

Insights into the journey of grief are woven together with Sandberg's own story of emergence and create a work that is meaningful to those that are living through loss and those that are trying to help ease their way.