Empty Talk - How clichés kill connection

/

Cliché.
 
Definition:  a phrase or opinion that is overused and displays a lack of original thought. 
 
Also, a common (and crappy) way to verbally process someone else’s pain. 
 
This is a common response pattern in people that inhabit the Cheer-Up Cheryl (or Charlie) empathy avatar. 

These Cheer-Up Cheryls have a gift of positivity and are usually driven by connection; they care about the other person and desperately want to make things “better”.

But they end up sounding tone-deaf and forcing the other person to either put up a happy facade or to shut down into silence. 
 
Here are a few of the thoughtless, devoid-of-original-thought verbal fluff that we go to…

  • “Everything happens for a reason”

  • “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”

  • “God wouldn’t give you more than you can handle”

  • “They are in a better place”

  • “It’s always darkest before the dawn”

If you tend towards this energy, let me offer you some guidance/relief:  you don’t have to make it better and, most of the time, you can’t. 

Instead, embrace the hard/crappy/awful; verbally signal that you are willing to be with them in it.
 
Try this instead
 

  • “That sucks/is so hard/Ugh!”

  • “Thank you for trusting me with this; what a challenging/awful/crappy thing!”

  • “I don’t even know what to say, but I care about you and I’m here for it with you.”

 
What to do if there is someone in your life that keeps offering you this Cheer-Up Cheryl energy?  Perhaps try letting them know how their words make you feel.

About eight years ago, we were in the midst of so many hospital days.  My youngest, Moses, was getting an artifical heart valve.  The surgeries were big and complex.

When ever I talked to Janet, a friend, she would meet me with well-meaning, verbal chaff:  "You are just so strong and I know tomorrow will be better."

Finally, I shared I disrupted the cycle.  "That just isn't really helpful to me right now.  It makes me feel like you aren't listening to me or really supporting me in the hard time."

For your further consideration:  what other clichés should we eliminate from our workplace vocabulary?  What genuine responses should we use instead?