Pet Loss - support and saying goodbye
/We said goodbye to Tozer on Saturday.
We hand-fed him morsels of chicken, spoke our favorite memories, and sang a song or two.
He was the dog we needed, a rescue mutt who was dumped in Fountain Square. We loved him (and were loved by him) for seven years.
One of the most remarkable things about Tozer was his emotional intelligence.
Whenever someone was sad or preoccupied or overwhelmed, Tozer was there, available to share the sorrow and a snuggle.
Even to the end, hobbled by old age and liver failure, he lifted up his old bones and made his way over to the side of the struggling.
Sometimes, in my work, I hear the snarky side comments: "They wanted time off because their dog died!", often accompanied by an exasperated eye roll.
Comparative grief is a dead end street and dismissive judgements do damage to your culture in the long run.
No, a dog (or pet) isn't a child or a parent. But as I listen to people who are devastated by the loss of a pet, the animal often represents something bigger.
For some, the love of a pet it is the most undiluted, uncomplicated affection that they have received in their lives.
You don't have to understand it. But don't tilt away with judgment. Instead, lean in, mirror the emotion ("Oh, that sounds so hard")
And give a moment for connection: "what was one of your favorite memories with Tozer?"
*****
I wrote this post for LinkedIn on Monday and the response was a wellspring of emotion. Seriously, so, so many people love their pets and are close to saying goodbye/have recently parted with their beloved companion.
Here is just a sampling from the almost 20K readers
“My first baby (a stray ginger cat) chose us. He passed in 2018. To this day, I still can't adopt/rescue another cat because I'm still hurting.”
“I speak from experience when I lost my pet of 17 yrs I was inconsolable. People who have never been pet owners don't get the bond that has been formed. “
“I lost my pug in 2022 and it was unfathomably difficult, honestly far more difficult that I ever anticipated it would be. I'm extremely fortunate to have a leader who understood this and was incredibly gracious and understanding.”
“People who are not animal lovers will never understand. Animals bring such joy and love that you will ever experience from anyone or anything. You rescued each other.”
How can you support someone in your life or on your team as they go through the death of a pet?
Here are just a few of the meaningful gestures that our community sent our way this week. Maybe they can inspire you as you consider care for those that have lost a pet.
Kathryn and her boys brought over flowers and a gnome cake: “We saw it in the store and it brought a smile to our face; we thought you might smile too”
Nicole, Jason, and the girls baked chocolate chip cookie bars, drew a picture of Tozer and his buddy, Indy, wrote a card and gave me a plant
Hazel Dell Animal Hospital was amazing with each step of the journey of saying goodbye and sent over flowers
Jenni also sent flowers, “You’ve lost a member of your family”
Countless others have given me space in conversation to share a tidbit about Tozer or sat with me in a meaningful moment of silence.
I'll end with a reminder: perfect is the enemy of progress.
You don't have to have magic words or the peerless gesture. Just reaching out with intention matters, especially if you are a manager. Offer time to listen and, perhaps, time to step away from work as people grieve the loss of a pet they loved.
A good dog