Interrogating Edward

When someone is going through a hard time, too many questions can put them on edge.  Research and lived experience show, again and again, that people want to feel seen and heard in their times of pain. 

A powerful way to show this care is through emotional mirroring.  Become like an investigator, listening to the other person for emotion words that might indicate how they are feeling.  Are their words angry?  Are they sad or overwhelmed?  Do you see tears or a red face?  Once you have an idea of what they might be feeling, say that emotion back to them. 

This can sound like, “That sounds infuriating!” or, “Wow, how very sad.”  And, if you don’t get it right the first time, be willing to pivot and try again. 

The other person might reply, “I’m not angry, I’m just tired”.

If that is the case, say back to them something like, “It makes sense to me that you might be tired.”

And, if you still have a question that seems important, save it for the end of the interaction where you can say something like, “If it is OK, I do have one question that I’d like to ask you.  Is that alright?”