Defensive Dennis

It is so easy to go on the defensive, but that posture and tone can easily shut another person down and do long-term damage to communication.

Pay attention to your body – it will send you signals for when this response pattern is gearing up.  You might feel your breath come faster or your shoulders tense up.  This is a warning sign to be careful.

When someone shares feedback or feelings with you and you feel the urge to defend yourself, try this instead:

“I appreciate you sharing that with me.  I am going to consider what you said.  Can we talk about this again on Thursday at our 1 on 1?”

This type of a response buys you time (so you don’t get too defensive in the moment) and it provides a moment for a next conversation – which is far preferable to saying something vague like “let’s talk about this later”.

Consider, is there any truth/insight/things you should consider in their feedback?  In preparation for your next conversation, look for the common ground that you can affirm and consider where you could improve. 

And take comfort/inspiration in this quote from Dr. Brene Brown – “I’m here to get it right, not to be right.”