Cheer Up Cheryl

For some of the hardest things in life, there are no magic words to make it all better.  So, you can set aside the cliches and platitudes.  As a general rule, if it is something that people say all the time (“It’s always darkest before the dawn” etc), it probably won’t feel very genuine or comforting.

Also, resist the urge to say “at least”.  When my daughter died, people would say, “At least you still have Ada and Magnus” (my two living children).  But this never made me feel better, it just made me feel like they weren’t listening/couldn’t be with me in the hard times.

Instead, practice emotional mirroring.  Listen for the feeling behind the words (are they angry? Sad? Overwhelmed?) and speak that emotion back to them.

This can sound like, “That sounds infuriating!” or, “Wow, how very sad.”  And remember, people want to be seen and heard more than they want to be cheered up.