Buck-Up Bobby

Empathy and care are not convenient but they are important.  You are a master of efficiency and getting things done, which means that another person’s disruptive life event will probably feel like an inconvenience – you will worry about if/how they are going to get the work done and how that will affect the team.

It is important to you acknowledge those feelings internally – don’t let annoyance or overwhelm be the energy that you meet the other person with.

Instead, practice emotional mirroring.  Listen for the feeling behind the words (are they angry? Sad? Overwhelmed?) and speak that emotion back to them.

This can sound like, “That sounds infuriating!” or, “Wow, how very sad.” 

It is not wrong to talk about tasks – but check the sort of language and tone that you use. 

Here is an example –

“Wow, Sarah, it sounds so sad for you to have to care for your dying dog with all of these appointments, especially during our busiest time of the year.  I want to let you know that, as your manager, I am going to be with you along the way in case we need to shift deliverables or timelines so that we can still give excellent care to our clients and you can take care of Tessie (the dog)”

A statement like this acknowledges the feelings and the deliverables and, instead of making it the other person’s problems and signals buy-in: the leader is there too, helping along the way.